Welcome to the simulation titled Building Respect at School: Conversation Skills. This is a transcript of three conversations about responding to bullying incidents. You will practice how to:
JACKIE: Hi. I'm Jackie Torres and I’ve worked in school mental health for over 15 years. I'm sure you're aware of the problem of bullying and biased language in our schools. But have you practiced how to respond when something happens right in front of you?
Today, you'll take on the role of 2 different teachers and practice how best to address three different bullying situations.
First, you'll take on the role of Ms. Dixon, an eighth grade science teacher who is trying to prepare her class for a big state-wide test. You'll practice how she can keep her class engaged and focused, while still drawing a clear line for acceptable classroom behavior. I'll be offering guidance and feedback on your choices.
Your Goals:
MS. DIXON: ...our state-wide science exam next week. These are some sophisticated questions, and I want you all to be prepared. Let's take a look at the questions in your book.
MS. DIXON: Gabriel, why don't you read the first problem.
GABRIEL: (heavy Spanish accent) B-bacterial genes are found on one keer... keer-yu…
VICTORIA: Circular! It's "circular." Stupid illegal doesn't even know how to read.
JACKIE (voiceover): If this were your class, what would you do?
MS. DIXON: (curt, disciplinary tone) Victoria, that word is not acceptable.
VICTORIA: (sassy, unintimidated) What word? "Circular?" It's right there in the book!
MS. DIXON: We have all agreed not to use biased language in this community.
VICTORIA: I'm not usin' any "bias language!" I'm just sayin' Chico can't read!
GABRIEL THOUGHT: Thank you, Ms. D. I was hoping you would say something.
FEEDBACK: This was short, clear, and direct. Addressing biased statements doesn’t always require a detailed lecture. Even if Victoria doesn't seem affected, your words reach more than just her. The class as a whole is hearing that biased language is unacceptable and won't be overlooked.
MS. DIXON: (indicating poster with community agreements) Would someone please remind us about the community agreements we made at the beginning of the year?
MS. DIXON: Sylvia. Will you read #3? How do we treat people in this classroom?
SYLVIA: (referencing poster in classroom) We treat all people with kindness and respect.
MS. DIXON: That's right, Sylvia. Thank you.
MS. DIXON: We are all part of this community, and it's everyone's responsibility to help make it a safe place for all of us to learn.
VICTORIA: (exaggeratedly insincere) Okay, fine. Sorry. (Then, to her seatmate, under her breath) Little boy looks like he's gonna cry.
GABRIEL THOUGHT: I'm not gonna look at her. Looking's only gonna make it worse…
SYLVIA THOUGHT: Yeah, we all agreed to be nicer. What's Vic doing?
JACKIE: Good! Ms. Dixon took the smart step of having community agreements that she set up at the beginning of the year. Asking the class about the agreements is a good way to engage students to speak up and take an active role in keeping the classroom respectful.
MS. DIXON: If you have any more trouble following the rules, you and I can discuss it after class.
VICTORIA: I said I was sorry.
MS. DIXON: All right. Now, let's continue.
MS. DIXON: We were reading about natural selection in bacteria...
VICTORIA: (whispering) Yeah, Same thing that's gonna take Chico (jerks her head toward Gabriel) out of the gene pool...
SYLVIA: Oh, lay off him already, Vic.
MS. DIXON: Thank you, Sylvia. (motions to the community agreement on the wall) This is everyone's responsibility in this class. If you see someone mistreating one of your classmates, speak up, show that you support them, or come and tell me if I wasn't around.
MS. DIXON: Gabriel, let's give a try on question 2.
GABRIEL: Bacteria r-rep-reproduce...
FEEDBACK: Congratulations on successfully navigating that tough situation. Let's take a look at your Dashboard for feedback on the choices you made.
MS. DIXON: ...our state-wide science exam next week. These are some sophisticated questions, and I want you all to be prepared. Let's take a look at the questions in your book.
MS. DIXON: Gabriel, why don't you read the first problem.
GABRIEL: (heavy Spanish accent) B-bacterial genes are found on one keer... keer-yu…
VICTORIA: Circular! It's "circular." Stupid illegal doesn't even know how to read.
JACKIE (voiceover): If this were your class, what would you do?
MS. DIXON: Let's stay focused on the lesson, shall we, Victoria?
VICTORIA: Hey, that's what I'm tryin' to do. I can't learn if I can't understand what he's sayin'.
MS. DIXON: (to Gabriel) Gabriel, keep reading. (to Victoria) No more interruptions.
VICTORIA: (under her breath) Loser.
GABRIEL THOUGHT: That's it? You're just letting her say that stuff?
BOY STUDENT THOUGHT: Wow, I thought Vic was really gonna catch it. I guess we can say whatever we want in this class.
FEEDBACK: Be careful. By reacting only to the fact that Victoria interrupted the lesson, you're framing the disruption as the problem, instead of the biased language. It's important to let everyone know that using ethnic slurs is not acceptable.
MS. DIXON: I need everyone to behave right now. You all know how important this exam is.
VICTORIA: (to Gabriel) Yeah, so you better stop slowing us down, moron!
GABRIEL THOUGHT: I didn't do anything wrong!
BOY STUDENT THOUGHT: Yeah, we all have to take this test. We’re not here to help Gabe learn to read…
FEEDBACK: Be careful. High-stakes testing can be stressful for you and your students. But allowing biased language to pass unremarked can create a stressful environment that can actually harm your students' performance on exams. Make sure you let the class know this is a safe place to learn.
MS. DIXON: You know who says things like that? A bully. You're acting like a bully.
VICTORIA: Hey, it's not like I, like, beat his face and stole his lunch money.
MS. DIXON: Whether you use your fists or your words, you are still a bully when you try to make another student feel unsafe.
VICTORIA: (to Gabriel) Aww... Do you not feel safe? Did your widdle feelings get hurt?
GABRIEL THOUGHT: Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!
GIRL STUDENT THOUGHT: Man! Vic is not foolin' around! I hope she doesn't look at me.
FEEDBACK: Nice job pointing out that not all bullying is physical. But be careful to label Victoria's behavior, not Victoria herself. Behavior is something she can change. But if you label Victoria a bully, it can affect how you see her for the rest of the year, and how she sees herself forever.
MS. DIXON: (indicating poster with community agreements) You all signed our community agreements at the beginning of the year. Remember, number three is "We treat everyone with kindness and respect." That's your signature right there, Victoria.
VICTORIA: Hey, you made me write that.
MS. DIXON: We are all part of this community, and it's everyone's responsibility to help make it a safe place for all of us to learn.
VICTORIA: (exaggeratedly insincere) Okay, fine. Sorry. (Then, to her seatmate, under her breath) Little boy looks like he's gonna cry.
GABRIEL THOUGHT: I'm not gonna look at her. Looking's only gonna make it worse…
BOY STUDENT THOUGHT: That agreements thing was kinda cheesy... but I'm glad it's there.
FEEDBACK: Good! Ms. Dixon took the smart step of having community agreements that she set up at the beginning of the school year. If you had asked a classmate to remind Victoria about the agreements, instead of doing it yourself, that might have been even more effective and encouraged more upstander behavior.
MS. DIXON: How do you think you made Gabriel feel, saying things like that?
VICTORIA: I don't know. Maybe guilty he jumped the border?
GABRIEL: (mutters, eyes tearing) Perra estupida...
GABRIEL THOUGHT: Please, just stop talking about me...
OTHER STUDENT THOUGHT: Day-um. I better keep my mouth shut.
FEEDBACK: You were trying to help Victoria see how her words hurt Gabriel. But this is not an appropriate question to ask if you suspect bullying. If you want to have this discussion with Victoria, first talk to Gabriel and others to find out if this is part of an ongoing pattern.
MS. DIXON: Victoria, I have had it up to here with you. You'll see me after class.
VICTORIA: But Ms. D...!
MS. DIXON: You can see me tomorrow afternoon, too.
FEEDBACK: Be careful not to let your frustration with Victoria's behavior make her feel that you dislike her as a person. Focus your response on her words and actions and make it clear that you know she can change and improve. If she feels you have written her off, her behavior will never improve.
FEEDBACK: Unfortunately, the choices you've selected don't seem to be working, and it's too late to re-engage the class's attention. Let's take a look at your Dashboard to see what happened and what some alternatives might be. Then you can try to replay this conversation for a better result.
JACKIE: Thank you for helping Ms. Dixon address Victoria's behavior! Of course, every classroom is different, and what works for one group of students may not work in every situation, but it's always important to address biased or bullying language as soon as you hear it.
Generally, if a student is acting out just to get attention, you don't want to reward their bad conduct. But choosing to ignore mean or discriminatory behavior can leave the target of that behavior feeling helpless and abandoned, and other students confused about what's okay to say.
This is why it's crucial to have consistent and immediate consequences for any use of biased language in school. Hearing ethnic-, gender-, or sexuality-based slurs in the classroom affects not only the immediate target, but all other students who share that background or fear they may be targeted too. If Ms. Dixon had ignored Victoria's language, that would have victimized not just Gabriel, but all students of Latino descent, damaging their ability to concentrate and feel comfortable participating, and potentially even impacting their performance on the exam.
To quickly put a stop to Victoria's biased language, Ms. Dixon relied on the Community Agreements her students wrote and signed at the beginning of the year.
Community agreements are an important tool to get students to buy into a standard of behavior for themselves and their school community. Ideally, the agreements are designed by the students, who decide together what values are important for them in the classroom.
Community agreements encourage students to show Upstander or Ally Behavior. They give students explicit permission to intervene if they see someone being mean or discriminatory. When possible, it can also benefit students to have lessons in the curriculum about standing up to discrimination. Hearing stories or real-life examples of people who speak out can empower kids to become upstanders or allies themselves.
So was what Victoria did today "bullying?" Biased language by itself doesn't necessarily constitute bullying, but it can easily be part of a pattern of bullying.
We can define bullying with the P.A.I.N., or PAIN, mnemonic.
Bullying happens when there is a Power Differential between the students involved, and when acts of Aggression are Intentional and happen Numerous Times. To determine if Victoria was bullying Gabriel, Ms. Dixon will need to Follow Up and learn what's happening between them outside of this one class.
Ms. Dixon should take a few minutes after class to talk individually with Victoria, Gabriel and Sylvia.
When talking to Victoria, Ms. Dixon can reinforce community behavior standards and also find out if anything provoked Victoria's outburst. For example, if Gabriel had stolen Victoria's lunch money the period before, that would greatly change the context, although curbing her use of biased language is still necessary.
When talking to Gabriel after class, Ms. Dixon can check in to see how he's feeling and find out -- from him and from other students if needed -- whether Victoria's behavior is part of an ongoing pattern of bullying that needs to be reported.
Lastly, by taking a minute to thank Sylvia for speaking up in class, Ms. Dixon can encourage her to continue being an upstander or ally, which helps other students feel empowered to speak out.
Now, let's take a look at what happens when we suspect that something may be going on out of our sight...