Welcome to the screen reader for Dating Violence Awareness for Educators. This simulation is designed to help you gain knowledge, skill, and confidence to recognize, respond to, report and prevent occurrences of teenage dating violence.
A colleague of yours, Octavia, approaches you on a break and asks you to speak privately about a student she's concerned about. Each choice has more than one effective option, so consider what approach you would want to take.
Your goals: Talk with Octavia about how to Identify, Approach, and Refer this student.
Picture 1: Octavia, a Black woman in her late 30s with short brown hair sits at a table in an office. She's wearing a blue cardigan over a white button-up. Her eyebrows are furrowed, and she looks concerned.
Octavia: Hey, thanks for sitting down to talk with me. I, uh, I have a student I'm a little worried about. I don't want to use their real name, so let's just call them "Dee." Could you help me make sure I'm identifying things right?
You: No problem. So, how concerned are you about the situation, from 0 to 10?
Octavia: I'd say a five, maybe a six? I'm definitely concerned, but, I don't know. I might be overreacting.
You: I don't think you have anything to worry about, kids are always anxious about something or other.
Coach: If someone identifies a possible concern, they should always follow up. Let's look at a different approach.
You: It's worth following up on any concerns you have.
Octavia: Okay, I'll keep that in mind. I guess there could be more going on in Dee's life. Challenges I don't see. Well, in terms of what I've noticed, I, uh. So, this all started when, um, when Dee's friends came to me. They told me, "Dee isn't hanging out with us anymore, and we really don't like the way the person Dee has been seeing is treating Dee." So, I started paying attention, and, well, Dee was acting pretty weird.
You: All kids are "pretty weird" sometimes, especially when they're dealing with friendships, relationships, that kind of thing.
Coach: Octavia used the phrase "pretty weird" and the player missed an opportunity to understand the warning signs she's noticing more specifically. Also, generalizing about other students doesn't treat this situation seriously. Let's see another approach.
You: Tell me more about what you've noticed specifically.
Octavia: Well, every day, Dee asks to go to the bathroom at exactly the same time, just a couple of minutes before class is over. Their friends told me Dee's been meeting up with the person they've been seeing a lot. So, when Dee asks to leave class at the same time, every day, I don't know. Based on what Dee's friends told me about their partner, I'm worried that Dee has regular check-ins with their partner or, or something.
Picture 2: Octavia looks a little unsure.
Octavia: I don't know. It's a bit concerning. I, um, I've never really had a conversation like this before, asking if a student of mine is in some kind of, um, unhealthy relationship. I'm a little bit nervous about approaching them.
You: It's okay to be nervous. What do you think would help Dee open up?
Octavia: Hmm, maybe. What I want to do is, tell Dee what a good relationship is supposed to look like. Then, help Dee decide if they're really okay with what's going on. I'm not sure if that's what I should do, but, like, the students are always talking to me about these reality shows. And the stuff I hear, people are just so mean to each other. So controlling. I don't know how much they get to see the other side of that, a better way.
You: Good idea, start by telling Dee how to have a healthier relationship. Our students just don't have the life experience yet.
Coach: Telling a student what relationship they should have can increase defensiveness. Instead, asking the student questions can help. Let's see another approach.
You: Instead of reality shows, perhaps you could discuss an article on healthy relationships, or a character from a book?
Picture 3: Octavia looks to the side, thoughtful.
Octavia: We did just read a book in class, kind of a modern adaptation of Rapunzel. This character gets trapped in an apartment by the person who's supposed to "love" them, hmm. Maybe Dee and I could start talking about that character, and then see what Dee brings up from there. And then after Dee shares? Hmm. I think I'd try to get some more information out of Dee to put into the report I have to make.
You: Yeah you definitely want to get as much information as you can out of Dee to help down the line.
Coach: After a student discloses, you don't need any additional information. Instead, show them you believe them and you're there to support them. Let's look at another approach.
You: On the other side of things, it might be worth telling Dee they don't need to share more.
Octavia: Oh, I get that. Basically, tell Dee they can share as much as they want. All right, so let's say at some point in the conversation with Dee, they tell me they're experiencing an abusive relationship. What do I do then? Can you talk me through the referral process to make sure I do it right?
You: Well, how do you feel about telling Dee that you have a responsibility to go to guidance?
Picture 4: Octavia's eyebrows furrow, and she looks anxious.
Octavia: Oh, I don't know. I'm a little worried about how Dee will react if I mention that I'm going to tell the people in guidance. I, um, I don't want Dee to wish they hadn't told me.
Coach: Check your school's policy to know exactly where to refer students. Also, depending on the situation, it could help to know the full chain of reporting that might trigger. Some consequences of disclosing can be unexpected for the child.
You: It's fine to keep to yourself that you have a duty to report, Dee will be too worried if you bring it up.
Coach: Giving Dee as much information and control as possible can help them as their community of support grows. Let's see a different approach.
You: By telling Dee you're reporting to guidance, Dee will be better prepared when guidance does contact them.
Octavia: Hmm, I don't want Dee to feel betrayed or anything. Maybe transparency is the best policy.
Picture 5: Octavia begins to look more confident and assured.
Octavia: Especially if I frame it like, like I'm giving them options, as much as possible. So, um, what else about referring Dee should I consider?
You: I guess, where do you think you could refer Dee?
Octavia: Hmm, I guess, I know about guidance. That's the big one.
You: Referring Dee to guidance isn't enough. You have to do more than that.
Coach: Connecting Dee with the guidance department is already helpful, and the people who work in guidance can connect Dee to additional resources from there. There's no pressure to do more unless you want to. Let's watch another approach.
You: Guidance can help connect Dee with resources if that's as much as you feel comfortable doing.
Picture 6: Octavia's shoulders relax and she looks relieved.
Octavia: Okay, I'm glad the people in guidance will know what other resources to recommend. I guess, I'll focus on showing Dee I believe them, and leave the rest to guidance. The last thing is, I'm trying to think about when to mention support options. Maybe I'd want to bring it up right as we're leaving, to keep it more casual.
You: I'd mention a referral pretty much any time after you've established trust.
Octavia: Yeah. When Dee trusts me, I'd think, well, maybe they'd be more likely to really consider trying those support options. Okay, I feel a lot better about everything. Thank you for talking me through all that. I'll keep what we talked about in mind when I check with Dee.