Welcome to the simulation titled Resilient Together: Coping with Loss at School. This is a transcript of the didactic movies and interactive conversations that focus on supporting your staff and students after a death in school. You will learn and practice how to:
JACKIE: Hi, there. I'm Jackie Torres, and I've been a school mental health professional for the last 15 years.
We're here to talk about what to do following a death in the community. It's a difficult topic, and one with a lot of meaning for me. See, about eight years ago, I was working in a school where a student -- (beat) Cassie -- died. It was all so sudden... one day she was waving hi to me in school, and then the day after... I heard she was crossing the road when a car ran a red light, and... (sighs) and then she was gone.
When we found out... all of us felt the shockwaves.
On top of processing--grieving--we had to face questions we didn't have answers for: "How do we tell the news to our kids?" "How do we memorialize Cassie?" "Should we continue teaching like normal?" (breath) I still remember how rudderless we felt. Like we didn't have a chance to breathe. Honestly, we weren't prepared.
I wanted to ask what brings you here today -- has something happened, like a recent death or suicide, in your community?
LEARNER: A death has occured recently.
JACKIE: I see. This can be such a challenging time... I'm so sorry this happened to you. How are you feeling?
LEARNER: I’m feeling multiple things at once.
JACKIE: I hear you. It’s completely normal to feel many emotions at once. And it’s okay to not be okay.
I know when Cassie died -- I didn't expect her death to hit me so hard, but it really did. It was overwhelming to feel so much grief and also not know why I felt so much.
The most important thing is supporting our students... but that was so much harder when we were all off-balance. It would've been a lot easier if we'd already had a plan figured out.
A crisis response plan establishes how to reach out to students and colleagues, communicate with parents, address what happened, and collaborate with both community mental health services and our local police.
It's also important to consider how to respond if the death was a suicide. It requires a specialized kind of response plan - we call that a Postvention. Even though it should be treated like any other kind of death, we need to pay extra attention to the stigma around it. Some of this stigma comes from a fear of putting thoughts in people’s heads. But talking about suicide does not put thoughts in anyone's head. For many, a suicide can raise complex grief and troubling questions, and the safest thing to do is to talk about it.
And while a crisis response plan might sound complicated, I like to think of it as a road map. When I'm not sure what to do and it's hard to think straight, the plan gives some guidance on how I can help and who I can talk to for support.
Please remember that you're not alone. Together, you and your community can make it through this difficult time.
This will cover:
JACKIE: After Cassie died, it was heartbreaking to see how it affected our students. Many experienced distress, or extreme pain, sorrow, and anxiety. Some were crying; others were numb. A few parents said their child had trouble sleeping, eating, or leaving their side. We can't prevent children from feeling distress, but we can remind them they're not alone by listening to them and supporting them.
What a student probably needs most is someone to listen and support them. Saying "I hear you" and then reflecting what they said encourages them to open up, giving you the chance to have a supportive conversation. Now, I'm not saying we need to be therapists, but our students can find comfort knowing that someone is willing to listen.
So, how we communicate with students matters. A crisis response or postvention plan can make sure we're on the same page.
As teachers, we can help students cope with distress by using a framework called: Identify, Approach, and Refer.
First, watch for warning signs and identify students you're concerned about. Approach those students and encourage them to talk about the death and how it may be affecting them. Help them express how they feel and acknowledge it. This can help them process and heal. Finally, if necessary, refer students to support services. If, for whatever reason, a student doesn't want to open up to you, you can find someone they're more comfortable with to approach them and possibly refer them.
LEARNER: What do I need to keep in mind if the death is a suicide?
JACKIE: See… suicide can cause a ripple effect; like throwing a rock in a pond. It can be a painful time for young people, and some might even imitate suicidal behavior. So we have to be a bit careful about how we talk about it. You don't want to go into too much detail, and you also don't want to romanticize the death. What you want to do is ask what they know and gently correct... be brief but factual. And don't worry about putting ideas in people’s heads...
For all these reasons, it's necessary to respond to a suicide a little differently--with a postvention plan. This is a specific kind of crisis response plan that:
LEARNER: How common is suicidal thinking?
JACKIE: Well…
(Youth Research Behavior Surveillance Survey, 2017)
Suicide is a complex behavior that is not caused by a single event - but 90% of those who die by suicide have an underlying mental illness or a history of substance abuse problems.
LEARNER: Why is it difficult for people to talk about suicide?
JACKIE: Well.... there are a few reasons. Sometimes it's painful for people to think about why it happened, or whether they could've done something. Sometimes people think suicide is shameful or wrong. Sometimes there's an irrational fear that talking about it will put ideas in students' heads.
But not talking about it is the worst thing to do. It gives the impression that people should feel guilt, shame, or fear. It makes it harder for students to grieve or ask for help. We have to talk about it--even though it's hard.
LEARNER: How can suicide cause a ripple effect?
JACKIE: A suicide is not an isolated event - it affects a lot of people. Suicide contagion happens when a suicide is followed by further suicides or an increase of suicidal behavior.
When multiple suicides occur in a community over a short period of time, it's known as a point cluster. It’s rare, but it does happen.
It is estimated that as many as 5% of suicide deaths are the result of contagion. Adolescents and teenagers imitate suicidal behavior -- largely because they identify more with the behavior and qualities of their peers. Unsafe messaging in media and social media--anything that romanticizes or sensationalizes the victim or the death--is also known to increase the risk of contagion.
I know it sounds scary that suicidal thoughts and actions may spread, but 4 out of 5 teens who attempt suicide have given clear warning signs. By identifying at-risk students and connecting them to support, everybody on the school campus can play a role in suicide prevention.
LEARNER: Can you explain what it means to ‘sensationalize’ or ‘romanticize’ a suicide?
JACKIE: It may be tempting to sensationalize, like how newspapers put suicide stories on the front page with dramatic pictures. When we talk to others, try not to say something like: “It takes a lot of courage to jump off a bridge.”
Or romanticize the victim by saying something like: “After all she’s been through, now she’s in a better place.”
We might be trying to honor the memory of a student or provide closure. Unfortunately, this can lead more students to identify with and imitate the suicide. Stick to the facts of the death, and don't add your own "spin."
LEARNER: What should I keep in mind when avoiding specific details about a suicide?
JACKIE: Most importantly, avoid giving detailed descriptions of the death, like: “Gary shot himself with his father’s 9mm handgun.” Or, “Melanie used a phone cord to hang herself.”
It's normal for some people to wonder how a death happened, but specific details can cause disturbing thoughts that make it harder to grieve. Always stick to the most important facts!
LEARNER: What should I focus on when talking about suicide?
JACKIE: Well, it's important to be genuine with your students. Stick to the facts, encourage them to share what they know, and gently correct any misconceptions. Many times, this kind of conversation can reveal how they feel and whether they need support. If they do need support, you can give them hotline or text line numbers, help them identify trusted adults to talk to, or refer them to a counselor.
Sometimes you may need to respond to difficult questions. If a student asks why a person decided to kill themself, we can respond: “We’ll never know, because the answers died with them.” And, “Suicide is very complex and no one person, no one thing is ever to blame.”
Finally, if the student would prefer talking to someone else, connect them to another caring adult.
LEARNER: How can I tell if a student might be in distress or at risk of suicide?
JACKIE: When it comes to warning signs of distress or suicide, you're looking for extreme behaviors and extreme changes in behavior. What that looks like will depend on the age of the student.
LEARNER: What could signs of distress look like for an elementary student?
JACKIE: It's hard for young students to process the shock of a death. Here are some warning signs you might see:
LEARNER: What could signs of distress look like for a secondary school student?
JACKIE: For middle school and high school students, you might see the following signs of distress:
Academic
Extreme Moods
Concerning Behavior
LEARNER: What could signs of suicide risk look like?
JACKIE: Signs of distress can also be signs of suicide risk, and there are some warning signs that are specific to suicide risk:
Talk
Concerning Behavior
LEARNER: How do I know when and how to make a referral?
JACKIE: Great question! Trust your instincts. If you notice any warning signs, you should get the student help right away. It's best to talk to the student about a referral and stay with them. Once a mental health specialist is available, escort the student to their office. I recommend joining the crisis team; you may have information that will help them.
LEARNER: How do I broach the subject of death with a student?
JACKIE: It might feel awkward to talk to your students about a serious topic like death. You might also have your own feelings and opinions, and that's ok - just remember to stick to the facts and make specific, neutral observations. And... asking open-ended questions can encourage your students to open up and share what they're going through.
LEARNER: Can you show me an example of an open-ended question?
JACKIE: “What’s on your mind?” Is open-ended because it would likely take more than few words to answer it. It invites a thoughtful response.
LEARNER: Can you show me an example of a neutral observation?
JACKIE: Students usually respond better to statements like “I notice you didn't talk to your project team today.” This is a specific, observable fact. It doesn't exaggerate or judge.
LEARNER: What are the best ways to support a student?
JACKIE: You can support a student by acknowledging what they're going through and normalizing their feelings -- letting them know it's natural to have them. Younger students might benefit from drawing or painting, since they might have trouble expressing what they're feeling. Helping them find words to express their feelings can make it easier for them to understand their reaction and heal.
LEARNER: How do I acknowledge a student's emotions?
JACKIE: “Sounds like you’re feeling regret” is a good example. This shows you’re listening and directs the conversation towards a helpful topic.
Acknowledgements help students know they’re being heard and that the emotions they're having are accepted. This can encourage the student to open up.
Everyone responds to death differently. Everyone has different experiences with death in their lives. And people can have different connections to the person who died. As a result, death can bring up a lot of different emotions and we need to respect people's’ reactions.
LEARNER: What is a good way to normalize a student’s emotions?
JACKIE: “It’s okay to feel angry. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t care about that person” is a good way to help them accept and process what they’re feeling. Another example you can use is: “I was also feeling angry after Wilson died.”
LEARNER: How do I help a student put words to feelings?
JACKIE: You can help young students process concepts like death or loss by asking what those terms mean to them and suggesting words to help. Encouraging students to draw pictures or pick images out of a magazine can also help them express their thoughts. Afterwards, ask your students how these words and pictures relate to how they're feeling.
LEARNER: Can you show me an example of helping a student put words to feelings?
JACKIE: Of course, you can say:
TEACHER: “When someone says the word 'loss', what do you think they mean?”
STUDENT: "...Maybe it means that I don't have something I used to have?"
TEACHER: "Good thinking! How do you think people feel when that happens?"
JACKIE: And one more thing -- even if you have a crisis response plan, responding to a death can still feel difficult -- and that's okay. If you take it one step at a time and do your best to support your students, parents, and colleagues, you can help your school community grieve and heal.
Now it's time to put what you've learned into practice by talking with a virtual student. And don't worry. You'll have the chance to practice what we discussed by talking with a virtual student. And you can always replay this experience or find more information in the Resources section.